Some scars are deeper

A friend recently asked me why I have been feeling low these days. They reminded me that I have something special — something many people would wish for — and that I should cherish it. I am truly grateful. I know I have things in life that are valuable and meaningful. But gratitude doesn’t always silence the inner struggles.

The truth is, I am still carrying the weight of a past failure. It stays in my mind, no matter how much time passes. I haven’t healed from it. Five years ago, I set out on a path with a strong intention and a dream. I gave it my all, but I couldn’t achieve what I aimed for. And while it might sound cool on the outside to say, “Look, I didn’t fail, I just ended up at MNC” deep down, I know that I did fail — at least in the eyes of my own soul.

Historically, every high in my life has been followed by a deeper low. That pattern has made me cautious, maybe even fearful. I struggle to feel joy during good times because I keep thinking: “What if it all falls apart again?” I stay on guard, bracing for pain even in moments meant for peace.

I am trying to make peace with my failures. I am learning to accept that it's okay to grieve the dreams that didn’t come true, even while living a life that looks good on the outside. I also find myself challenging the popular saying (most often the case) that “it doesn’t matter in the long run, you’ll forget it.” Because some scars are more deep — they don't bleed, but stay there as quiet reminders of what once mattered deeply.

Hopefully it's visibility reduces!